Cake should not look like body parts.

There’s a creepy creepy trend going on.

Cakes that look like pregnant bellies.

It’s horrifying.

Why would you do that to a pregnant lady? Why would you chop up a fake pregnant belly and serve it to her probably mere weeks before she gives birth?

Why?

It’s absolutely, positively awful.

“Oh, you’re so cute and fat with that baby in there. Oh look! We baked you a fat cake and now we’re going to chop it up with this huge knife. Hope you’re not getting a C-section!”

Fuck that.

If and when I ever get pregnant, and I’m forced into the sorority-variety squeals of a baby shower, and everyone is wrapping ribbons around my swollen torso and cooing at my stomach and rubbing my budda belly, I’ll be goddamned if they serve me not only a cake (which I’m already not a fan of) but a replica of said swollen torso, belly, stomach.*

Fuck that.

Pregnant stomach cake isn’t cute. It’s disgusting. And come to think of it, funny penis cakes for bachelor(ette) parties aren’t funny either. The last thing I wanted to see before marrying the King of Awesome was a chopped up penis made of icing and angelfood (luckily, my friends had more class). And naked lady stripper cakes for dudes aren’t good either. When my uncle turned forty, there was a dirty cake. We won’t even go into the inappropriateness since I was a kid, but the least they could have done was not serve the severed boob to my eight year old sister (although it was kind of funny).

Food should look like food. Not like disembodied body parts. It’s not awesome, no matter how yummy.

It's a girl. It's a boy. It's a nightmare.

*Sorry for the really long sentence. It works aloud. Trust me.