Tag Archives: pregnancy cravings

I’m back, bitches.

7 Sep

Dear Mother Fuckers,

I’m back. And I had a baby.

That’s right. The queen procreated. And the baby is awesome.

He’s a sugary little lump of boy and I’m about 90 percent certain he’s made of marshmallow fluff (the kind without gelatin).

But anyway, I’ve missed the ever-loving stuffing out of this blog. And my goal is to start writing to it again.

Actually, the goal was to keep track of my weird pregnancy food stuff. But my kid is nearly seven months old now. Oops. Being a mom is rather time consuming.

However, I did keep a pregnancy diary. And every now and again I’d write about food. So here’s one of my insane pregnancy food experiences. Enjoy.


The Baby of Awesome, the Dog of Awesome, and Me

The Baby of Awesome, the Dog of Awesome, and Me


14 Weeks and 3 Days Pregnant

Hi, I’m [the Queen of Awesome] and I’m a hormonal mess.

When five year-old [the Queen of Awesome] was asked what her favorite food was, she’d answer, “Quiche!” It was a very strange answer for a tiny Texas girl. But even as a Texas woman, I still love the stuff.

And I’ve been craving it hardcore. So while I was out running errands, I went into a La Madeleine and ordered myself a quiche florentine. I was going to dine on some spinach, egg, and swiss cheese in a flaky crust and I was going to love the fuck out of it.

When my quiche and I got home, there was a problem. It was a quiche lorraine, which means it was full of ham.

My heart sank like a stone. And I had a meltdown. I cried like someone had died.

No joke.  I actually crumpled to the floor sobbing. We’re talking borderline asthma attack anxiety and mental anguish.

The worst part? I was on the phone with my husband when I made my horrible hammy discovery.

Nothing in the world was worse than staring at the one food that I could possibly stomach right now, and I couldn’t eat it.

So how does this story end? Right now, I’m typing this and my darling husband is going to another La Madeleine to order me the proper quiche. He’s coming home to have lunch with me and he’s going to eat the ham monstrosity and I’m going to dine on some spinach, egg, and swiss cheese in a flaky crust.

I love the fuck out of him.