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My dishes are clean.

7 Apr

Yeah, I’m going to talk about cleaning the dishes. No, it isn’t food, but we can all agree it’s food related.

I’m a big fan of saving money when it makes sense. And one of my go-to tricks is to buy the store brand dish detergent. In particular, Trader Joe’s product.

It gets my plates and glasses and spoons satisfactorily clean, or at least clean enough to eat off of again.

But I’m trying out Cascade® Platinum™ ActionPacs™ for free because I’m a BzzAgent and I get stuff for free in exchange for telling you lovely people about it.

These are the pretty little pods that contain multiple cleaners to get your dishes as shiny as a forehead on a Texas summer afternoon.

(Kids also love to eat them, so mine are way up high behind a locked cabinet door.)

Here’s what’s cool about them:

  • They’re super easy to use. Just drop one in the detergent tray, and you’re done.
  • They’re not messy. I’m not particularly neat when I try to pour powder into that same tray.
  • There’s no guesswork. No measuring. No arguing with my husband about how much detergent to put in the dishwasher.
  • And my dishes are indeed clean.

Are they cleaner than what my TJ’s detergent can accomplish? Meh. I haven’t really noticed a difference, to be honest. You’re definitely paying for the convenience factor with this product. And if you have the money for that, go for it.

 

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I hate food blogs.

10 May

What does irony taste like, huh?

But it’s true. I really hate food blogs.

I hate the long, drawn-out stories about nibbling on bits of bullshit while walking the streets of some over-worshipped city and reading about some diva wannabe’s childhood dreams of whipped cream for eight paragraphs before you get to the recipe.

There’s a limoncello taco on Pinterst. I want to read what’s in a limoncello taco and how to make it. I don’t want to hear about how you bought corn from some street vendor who told you about special sour creme cows that are massaged with olive oil so the cream is extra buttery so you got some of this sour creme and it was oh so divine you would not believe oh my gosh.

Seriously. That’s how every one of those fucking blogs sounds to me. Like a bad teenage diary about food.

They aren’t all bad. But they certainly aren’t all good.

If I want to read a story, I’ll read a story. If I want a recipe, I want to read a recipe. Not your shitty narrative. Nothing is worse than reading the long-winded musings of a journalism major who decided to not work for a newspaper and decided to blog instead.

I should know. I’m a journalism major who decided not to work for a newspaper. However, I don’t make money from this blog. So I have that going for me.

And I keep these things short, something I learned from my professional, non-journalism writing career.

Anyway, I’m going to go eat a taco now. Adios.

If I had 30 days left to live, what would I do?

31 May

There’s a marquee near my house that asks what you’d do if you only had a month left to live.

And I’ve already written a piece about all the stuff I’d do that I was afraid to do because of reputation, disease, or unpredictable mortality. But after finishing I realized I forgot to mention all of the crap I’d eat.

That’s what Yummy Awesome is for!

If it were guaranteed that my heart would give out in a month, that I was only going to be on this planet for another 30 days, I would go on an eating binge.

After all, it isn’t like gorging on pies and candy would kill me. That would happen anyway.

So I’d eat pie for breakfast, and not just a slice. I’d devour a whole fucking pie for breakfast. Then I’d probably have one for lunch, too. I might fry one for dinner.

I’d get a cotton candy machine and just stuff fluff into my mouth for another day.

Fuck diabetes. It wouldn’t have time to kill me because my clock would already be ticking.

I’d eat cases of Lays Stax chips. And I’d go nuts with bread. Hell, I’d buy the grocery store’s entire stock of French baguettes and dine on those all damn day long.

All of the artificial, preservative-laden, processed crap that I try to stay away from would become my new staple. Who needs nutrients when you’ll be nothing in a month?

If I even bothered to look at a nutritional label, I’d laugh because it wouldn’t matter. Saturated, unsaturated. It’d all be the same. And it’d all be delicious.

I’d fry everything. Well, almost everything. But imagine fried brie. Or fried grapes. No, fuck that. Grapes are healthy. I don’t want them.

As much as I like beer, I’d probably give it up for high fructose syrup drinks. I might only drink soda from here ’til the end. Or those really fattening lattes as Starbucks that I see people getting all the time.

Imagine getting to eat whatever you want without consequence. Well, at least the consequence of long-term bad health. I imagine I’d have more than a few cases of diarrhea before the end. There’s no way my system won’t freak out a bit if it’s reintroduced to Little Debbie after a decade.

Oh man, if I had only a month to live, I wouldn’t go on some charitable pilgrimage to better the world. I’d just try to eat most of the planet.

“Crazy Sushi” or “How I lost my Eyebrows”

3 Dec

Well, the Dirty Canadian’s trip to Dallas is coming to an end. And although I should be working on actual work as opposed to blogging before she and I have one last coffee/tea run, I can’t help but procrastinate.

So I’m writing about the crazy sushi roll our friend ordered at lunch the other day. I can’t remember what it’s called. I can barely remember where we got it (I had a lot of saki … that’s it in the weird, rolly polly carafe in the picture).

The roll came out on fire and we had to sit there and watch it burn until it eventually flamed out. There was rice, tuna, and … I have no idea. But it was good (although it oddly tasted like a tofu dog). And the saki was good. I think. Fuck, I don’t remember. I got totally hammered by accident.

I have no alcohol tolerence. I’m like a high school girl in that respect. One beer and I’m all like, “Hey, you guys. HEY! GUYS! I’m SO DRUNK RIGHT NOW! WEEEEE!”

Shit, am I drunk now?

 

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Yep. The holidays are here.

29 Nov

Aside from the usual tell-tale holiday signs like Christmas music, colored lights, pop-up Christmas tree lots and santa hats (which, by the way,  look ridiculous on everyone including dogs), I know the holidays are here because Trader Joe’s is full of even more delicious snacks than ever.

You may remember my fanatical post around this time last year about the Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels. And my subsequent heartache at not being able to find them ever again despite scouring every Trader Joe’s in the LA area.

But after lusting for these dark creamy beauties for 341 days, I was ready for them this year. When I saw them on the shelf, I grabbed 2. Then another 2. And ANOTHER 2. Then I put 2 back out of guilt. But when the lady next to me started to reach her hand toward the shelf, I lost it and crammed the 4 remaining boxes on the shelf into my basket. Sorry random lady in the El Segundo Trader Joe’s but I was here FIRST.

I rationalized my greed because 6 out of the 8 boxes were for gifts. One is coming with me this weekend for The Queen of Awesome. One is going to my sister in Toronto. The recipients of other 4 are yet to be determined. I bet I can get at least $8 a box for them on eBay.

If you want some, you better go out and get them now because I’m not giving you any of mine. Holiday spirit be damned.

Mine. ALL MINE!

On a side note, if you’re looking for a new salad dressing, I highly recommend the Spicy Peanut Vinaigrette.

This is not cool.

7 Nov

Okay, pervs, stay off of Yummy Awesome.

How the fuck did that term end up at our site? And twice?

Humble Pie

30 Oct

I just spent 20 minutes crafting the perfect “I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long” post and then, because it’s been so long, I deleted it by accident. Now I’m too pissed to try and rewrite it. Because let’s be honest, it was pretty spectacular. And if any of you are writers (other than the Queen of Awesome), you know how absolutely fucking impossible it is to recreate the magic of accidentally deleted prose.

Instead, you you get this image of the delicious pie that I made the other day. And a half-assed apology and promise to do better. Maybe. I’m so pissed right now it might be another 6 months before I log back in.

Pumpkin Pie, you never let me down the way I let our readers down.