Serving Size: One Swimming Pool

24 Apr

When I was a kid, my favorite drink in the whole wide world was Cherry 7-Up.

My little sister and I drank way to much of it. You know, before the Internet made us hyper aware of how deadly soda can be for you. Although this may have been pre-high fructose corn syrup.

I digress.

We then came to the logical conclusion that if drinking Cherry 7-Up was so euphoric, swimming in it would be borderline ecstasy. So we dreamt of one day having jobs and enough money to fill our neighbor’s pool with Cherry 7-Up and doing cannonballs into the deep end.

When we’d share this fantasy with the other seven-to-nine year olds in our neighborhood, they all agreed that a pool full of soda would be the greatest thing in the world. The boy down the street wanted to fill his family’s pool with Dr Pepper. A girl from a few blocks over wanted to splash in Sprite. Then a boy down the alley blew us all away when he wanted to fill his dream pool with Mr. Pibb.

“Now pretend we’re in root beer!” someone would shout as we all sloshed around in the shallow end. Some kids would start cheering and others would jump out immediately while shouting, “Eww, root beer?”

“Now it’s Big Red!” another kid would yell as she leapt from the diving board with the grace of an ice cube before plopping into the Crystal Pepsi clear water.

When I tell people that this used to be my childhood, they usually stare at me funny. “Who would want a pool full of soda?” their eyes say. Sometimes they flat out tell me. “That’s fucked up.”

No, no it isn’t fucked up. It’s the fearless and admirable imagination of small children. And you know what, mother fuckers? Someday I’m going to get my swimming pool full of soda. And you can’t play in it.

Image stolen from the great Craig Cooper ( Although this ad isn't a pool full of soda, per se, it's too good an image to not use. Click to visit his other advertising accomplishments. Click around enough and you'll see me advertising my boobs.


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