There isn’t anything primo about Primo’s Tex Mex.

23 Apr

What a fucking disaster dinner at Primo’s turned out to be. Before I get into the gory details of a meal gone to hell, I’m going to point out that our server was fantastic. He alone kept me from throwing our fucking table into Lake Ray Hubbard.

I met up with some folks one night at the second Primo’s Tex-Mex location in (duh duh duuuuh) Garland.

For starters, who knew that it’d be douchier than the Uptown location? Well, me, because I grew up in Garland and I’ve been purging myself of the urge to bedazzle my entire wardrobe for the last decade. (Although truth be told, I never fit in with my hair-gelled, overly tan, sparkle-loving brethren to begin with—Garland has always been like the Jersey Shore only sans beaches and even less money.)

But this isn’t about Garland and the Ray Hubbard Shore. It’s about god-awful Mexican food. We arrived at 7:30 and were told there’d be an hour and a half wait. No biggie; it was our fault for not calling ahead. So we went for a beer at the Flying Saucer. Twenty minutes later, our buzzer goes off.

FUCK. What were we supposed to do with these delicious, crazy beers? One just doesn’t chug Ommegang Wit! But we tried and then found our seats at the restaurant.

Here’s what went down in bullet form so this post doesn’t get too long.

  • 8:00 Drinks were ordered. Chips were brought.
  • 8:15 Food was ordered. I watched our waiter make careful notes about my order (all I did was request no beans and rice–they’re meaty, you know). More chips were brought.
  • 8:30 More drinks were ordered. More chips were brought. There’s a fan on us that we ask to be turned off. It’s blowing bugs into our drinks and chips.
  • 8:45 Waiter gets berated by neighboring table because kitchen really messed up their order.
  • 8:47 Waiter stops by and, looking puzzled, says something about our food not being there yet. He went to check.
  • 8:55 We weren’t really hungry anymore because we’d been eating so many chips. But more were brought anyway. With more drinks.
  • 9:00 My face itches. It is the bugs? The fan is still on and lake bugs are all over the place.
  • 9:15 Still no food. Waiter has apologized numerous times. But we do have chips and drinks. And bugs. And that fucking fan was still on.
  • 9:30 We’re all feeling good since we’re full of beer and corn chips. But still no dinner. I notice that of the 6 patio fans, only ours is on. Waiter says our ticket is the next one up.
  • 9:45 More chips. I don’t even think we’re eating them anymore. They’re just stacking up. But the bugs do seem to enjoy them.
  • 9:46 Two of us go to the restroom. I look in the mirror and am horrified to see smashed bugs all over my face. My friend’s contact has attacked her (I’m not convinced a bug didn’t fly into her eye), so we go to the car to get a new one.
  • 9:50 No joke, there is something black in the contact on her finger. It could be mascara. Hopefully it was mascara.
  • 10:00 We return to the table. No food. More bugs. Fan still on.
  • 10:15 Food arrives. Half of it. Two people don’t have their food yet and my order is wrong. I have rice and beans. Table speaks up for me. I’m starving and flick a bug off of a chip and eat that.
  • 10:17 My food returns. My enchilada is torn in half. I cut into it anyway. It’s hard.
  • 10:18 And cold.
  • 10:19 “No, it’s not just room temperature. It’s actually cold. Taste for yourself.” King of Awesome is horrified that my food felt like it had been in a fridge for an hour.
  • 10:22 Waiter returns. Table speaks up for me. Waiter looks like he wants to kill someone.
  • 10:30 Waiter comes back with a kick ass salad (for Primo’s). I eat the salad before the bugs can get to it and the can can blow my lettuce away.
  • 10:35 Bugs are avoiding the salad. They must be full on chips. Fan is still on, though, so they’re assaulting my face again.
  • 10:45 Manager comes by and apologizes for awful everything. Apparently the kitchen fell into a black hole. He gave us business cards.
  • 11:00 We pay and leave. Waiter comped my meal (cause he was really great despite the kitchen trying to end his career).
  • 11:05 We get into the car. I wipe bugs off of me. We go home and I eat dinner.

This all added to the sad fact that Primo’s is another restaurant that isn’t vegetarian friendly at all. So I wasn’t excited about the meal in the first place. So maybe it was my fault for putting negativity out into the universe. Or maybe it’s Primo’s fucking fault for being a shitty-ass restaurant. I’m thinking the latter.

The bugs and the crappiness attacking.

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2 Responses to “There isn’t anything primo about Primo’s Tex Mex.”

  1. DirtyCanadian April 23, 2012 at 12:46 PM #

    I don’t think anyone at your table should have paid for anything. In fact, you should call your bank and tell them that some fraudulent charges were made by a “restaurant” named Primo’s because you most certainly did not EAT there.

    I’m angry for you.

    • Queen of Awesome April 23, 2012 at 12:54 PM #

      Yeah, I was surprised more wasn’t comped, too. Needless to say, we’re never going back.

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