My Holiday Tradition: Sandwiches and “Bad Santa”

29 Nov

The other day, I was asked what my favorite holiday movie was.

I answered with “Batman Returns,” you know, the second one directed by Tim Burton starring Michael Keaton. I was then told that it wasn’t a holiday movie. I call bullshit on that because THERE’S A CHRISTMAS TREE IN IT! But I digress.

So I switched my answer to “Bad Santa” starring Billy Bob Thornton. This movie is fucking hilarious. If you’re dark and twisted, it’s the best Christmas movie you could imagine.

But I’m not really here to wax poetic about the holiday spirit in the flick (because there isn’t much), but of the significance of sandwiches to the script.

In a chestnut shell, the movie is about a con artist mall Santa living with some dopey kid and his even dopier grandma. And they’re obsessed with sandwiches. Throughout the movie, they’re constantly asking Billy Bob/Santa if he wants sandwiches.

Dopey Kid: Should I fix you some sandwiches?
Billy Bob’s Character: I don’t want any fucking sandwiches. What is it with you and fixin’ fucking sandwiches?

Billy Bob’s Character: Is Granny spry?
[Billy Bob’s Character and the kid enter the house]
Dopey Kid: Grandma, are you spry?
Even Dopier Grandma: Roger, you’re home, let me fix you some sandwiches!
Billy Bob’s Character: Are you fucking kidding me?

Trust me, like most situations, it’s far funnier acted out than typed out. Just imagine that first scenario played out with Billy Bob in the bathtub and the kid just staring at him.

Anyway, why am I going on and on about “Bad Santa?” Because this year, my husband and I are starting a new tradition. Instead of watching classics like “It’s a Wonderful Life” (which I’ve never seen), or enjoying 24 hours of “A Christmas Story” (you’re going to put your eye out), we’ve decided that every year we’re going to watch “Bad Santa” and eat sandwiches.

Tons of sandwiches! Grilled cheese. Cucumber. Ham (for him). Tofurkey (for me). We’re just going to gorge our guts and enjoy a variety of sandwiches as we bust out guts laughing at Billy Bob Thornton getting it on with the mom from “Gilmore Girls.”

I dare you to come up with a better holiday, movie watching tradition.

This year, enjoy some sandwiches and watch "Bad Santa."

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