Just beet it.

1 Aug

How can a food with such a cool sounding name taste so horrifically awful.

It’s truly scary how disgusting beets are. Even their scientific nomenclature, Beta vulgaris, sounds awful. Like beets are the prototype for something, well, vulgar—that lacks in sophistication and taste.

Definitely lacking in taste. In fact, beets taste like tires left out in the sun covered in vaseline. How do I know this? Because I’ve tried beets.  And I’ve changed a tire once or twice in my life. And I am sadly a compulsive nail biter. As for the vaseline, I’m guessing.

Beets also bleed their coloring all over everything. If I’m going to eat something that’s going to stain my hands, mouth, teeth, and innards, I might as well eat something good like popsicles or pomegranates.

I don’t care how healthy beets are for me. I don’t care if they give me folic acid and iron and fiber and Vitamins with a capital letter. None of that stuff matters if their disgusting taste makes me upchuck into my napkin.

They're pretty ... pretty fucking gross.


4 Responses to “Just beet it.”

  1. hedcon August 1, 2011 at 1:40 PM #

    i love, love, love, love beets! beets in a can! beets in a box! beets from a fox!

    • Rayna Gorowitz June 22, 2013 at 4:39 AM #

      Count me among the beet lovers. Beets are the perfect food. Something healthy that tastes divine. They taste like candy from the earth to me, but opinions are like noses. Everyone has one

  2. tara August 1, 2011 at 3:45 PM #

    they are not awful but i have heard they will change the color of your urine? is that true?

    • Queen of Awesome August 1, 2011 at 4:23 PM #

      Ew. If it is true, I’ll never know. It’s not worth eating those awful things to find out!

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