You may have won this round, vending machine.

14 Jun

I am not in a good mood today.

Which means it’s an especially bad day for a machine to cross me.

But the vending machine took that chance. First, it charged me 85 cents for animal crackers. (I know they’re delicious and my favorite vended treat, but 85 cents is a little steep.) Second, it stiffed me my owed dime.

I needed that dime.

For my next purchase of animal crackers!

What the fuck is it with these machines? I think they’re all in cahoots (with the coffee machine and the bread machine leading the ranks). They’re all hell-bent on driving humans crazy so they can take over and …

… cook us? Use us as batteries? Robotically dance on our graves?

But they won’t win in the end. Oh no. I’ve seen the Matrix movies. I’ve watched the Terminator flix. I know that blood owns steel in the end.


Unless these screws and nails in my knee are all part of the conspiracy. And the machines are already inside of me.


I didn’t sign up for this. I just wanted some warm bread, a hot beverage, and some animal crackers. I didn’t want to be the leader in the revolution against mechanized monsters.


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