Trader Joe’s. More like “Traitor Joe’s.”

22 Mar

I hate you, Trader Joe’s. I hate you because you’re not in Texas.

How dare you provide Californians with delicious, healthy, tasty snacks. But then not do the same for Texans.

I know Texas isn’t known for its granola. I know Texans are viewed as  brisket-funneling, Bud Lite-swilling rednecks who wouldn’t know a plantain from a banana.

But we’re not all like that. Some of us love dried edamame lovingly wrapped in decadent dark chocolate. Or the satisfying crunch of dried pomegranate seeds. Or the rich aroma of fair trade coffee.

And the bouquet of a glass of “Two Buck Chuck.”

So I ask with the most charming Texas drawl that I can muster: Won’t y’all come to Texas? We’d love to have you.

But until then, I hate you, Trader Joe’s. Because I love you. And I love  these rosemary nuts and cranberries that I smuggled in my suitcase to Texas.

My nearest Trader Joe's is 439 miles away. Time to gas up the car.




3 Responses to “Trader Joe’s. More like “Traitor Joe’s.””

  1. Veronica Escobedo March 22, 2011 at 11:04 AM #

    I hate to rub this in your face but there is a “tj’s” just down the street from my office. Yes, I understand your hate/love.

  2. DirtyCanadian March 22, 2011 at 2:32 PM #

    Never fear, Queen of Awesome. I will gladly mail you any and all Trader Joe cravings!


  1. Trader Joe’s, come to Lake Highlands. « - June 29, 2011

    […] while back, I was pissed at Trader Joe’s because they weren’t in Texas. Now they announce they’re coming to Dallas, and I could cover myself in chocolate out of […]

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