All I want for Christmas is Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels.

9 Dec

That’s right. I don’t want a new car, an exotic vacation or a fancy-shmancy  iPad. All I want is a box of chocolates. Well, actually I’d like 10 or 20. Maybe 30? Is 40 getting greedy?

Crunchy, dark chocolate shell. Creamy, salty caramel. A slight hint of coconut. All topped with chunks of sea salt. CHUNKS.  Hallelujah, these are good. Travel for days by donkey to get them good. Gold, frankincense and myrrh good. Rise from the dead good.

Oh right, that’s Easter. Well, frankly Trader Joe’s should make these for Easter, too. You see, the saddest thing about these heavenly delights is that they are only available around the Christmas holidays. There’s nothing particularly Christmas-y about them – other than “The Holidays” make it seem perfectly acceptable to eat an entire box by oneself. And the snowflakes on the box could easily be replaced with flowers or bunnies or fucking unicorns. I don’t really care. Probably because I’m not looking at the box when I eat them, I’m picking out my next victim.

But now I have a moral dilemma: Trader Joe’s seems to have run out of these salty bits of Christmas joy. I’ve been to three stores looking for them. And last week when I discovered them, I only bought four boxes: one for me and three for gifts. I ate my box. I gave one to a co-worker and then I ate some of hers. One is supposed to go to the Queen of Awesome and the other, to my mother. But I’m not sure I can give these away if it means not tasting them again until next December.

Is the joy of sharing these with someone more rewarding than the joy I would experience by eating them myself? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Salty bits of Christmas joy.


8 Responses to “All I want for Christmas is Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels.”

  1. JD December 12, 2010 at 2:35 AM #

    mmmm, believe that that’s all I want for x-mas now too!

    • DirtyCanadian December 12, 2010 at 5:11 PM #

      Yeah, I’d love to give you a box. BUT I CAN’T FIND THEM ANYWHERE.

  2. Queen of Awesome December 13, 2010 at 11:45 AM #

    The loving Queen tried to ship your present to you this morning via USPS, and they wouldn’t ship it.

    Because it’s that good. Or “dangerous” according to the “government.”

    Guess It’ll come via FedEx.

    • DirtyCanadian December 13, 2010 at 11:51 AM #

      Shit. Did you try shipping me fireworks again? Or was it a swashbuckling sword collection? Either would be pretty rad.

  3. JD December 25, 2010 at 3:27 AM #

    No worries- now that you’re here you can bake me one (or a few) of your fabulous pies instead!!!!

  4. Kate Walsh / designhouse9 December 6, 2011 at 10:40 PM #

    Couldn’t agree with you more. I stopped at my local Trader Joe’s here on Sunday night. Looked everywhere for them. What did I hear from staff? They had arrived before Thanksgiving and are already sold out. One man bought 20 boxes! Staff did not seem to think they would be back this year. Complete and total bummer. Trader Joe’s–are you listening/reading? Bring ’em back now. We want them.

  5. jim December 7, 2011 at 12:28 AM #

    Oh yes, they’re back!


  1. Yep. The holidays are here. « - November 29, 2011

    […] may remember my fanatical post around this time last year about the Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels. And my subsequent heartache at not being able to find them ever again despite scouring every […]

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