The Turducken or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Tofu

23 Nov

tur-duc-ken

(n.)

A de-boned chicken stuffed into the cavity of a de-boned ducke stuffed into the cavity of a de-boned turkey. Then cooked and devoured by glutenous people.

The thought is actually quite funny. Let’s shove this animal up this animal’s ass. Then shove those animals into another animal’s ass. Then shove those animals into our mouths and later out of our asses.

I want to laugh, but I also want to cry. If anything prevents me from ever eating meat again, it’s this monstrosity (or those turtle burgers I wrote about some time ago).

Thank you, Thanksgiving, for giving turkeys another reason to fear November. As if being the main centerpieces of countless U.S. tables wasn’t embarrassing enough, now they’re getting packed like a … I really want to say cheerleader on prom night, but I’m not sure if that works here.

Or maybe it does.

Turd. Uck! Ehhn?

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