Silence, stomach!

16 Nov

I don’t need a clock to tell me it’s time for lunch. I just need ears.

Because every single day, my stomach announces to everyone within 15 feet that it’s about half an hour before food time. I must’ve swallowed a bullhorn once.

Sure, everyone has had one of those moments where their tummy has talked out of turn. But mine is a constant source of embarrassment. Loud, uncensored embarrassment.

Back when I lived alone, I didn’t realize how loud it got. I’d hear a gurgle, I’d laugh to myself, and then I’d down a bag of chips. But as a co-habitator, I’m reminded daily of how loud dear ol’ tum tum gets.

True story, I was in the living room with the TV on and my husband was in the kitchen. He had to be 20 feet away, at least. And my stomach had something to say, and my husband thought the air conditioner had gone on the fritz. Because no human could make that noise.

After a few weeks of living together, he discovered the awesome vocal powers of my digestive system. And now it’s a non-stop joke.

Oh well. It could be worse. I could be a sloth. They can take up to a month to digest food, I hear. I can’t imagine what that sounds like.

It is a sloth? Or a drum?

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One Response to “Silence, stomach!”

  1. DirtyCanadian November 16, 2010 at 12:13 PM #

    I love him. I want him.

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