I really like cookies.

2 Nov

Nothing will stop me from eating a cookie.

Any cookie. Any time. Any where. I fucking love cookies. And when I see one, I must have it.

You could lock up a chocolate chip cookie in a box, and I’d Houdini my way to it. You could hide a snicker doodle in a smell-proof container under a pile of phone books in the back of a closet twelve stories above my head, and I’d feel its presence, seek it out, and enjoy it in five seconds. You could put rabid lions, an electric web, and a gang war between an Oreo and me, and I’d still head towards that cookie as if all of existence were at stake.

There’s only one thing that can keep me from eating a cookie. And if you want to see a grown woman cry, you’ll tell me that the cookie on my plate was baked with lard.

Then I will cry the saddest tears that have ever been cried.  And I will rattle your very being with my sorrow.

Lucky for us, most cookies don’t contain lard. Now, where did I put that bag of oatmeal raisons?

I couldn't even wait long enough to get a photo of this cookie before I ate 2/3 of it.


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