I love gum. But I hate when you chew it.

21 Jul

I chew gum obsessively. All kinds of it. Trident. Extra. Orbit. Bubblicious. Double Bubble. Hubba Bubba. Bubble Yum. Bubble Tape. Rain-Blo. Big Red. Juicy Fruit. Double Mint. Stride. Bazooka. Big League Chew. Winterfresh. Ice Breakers. On any given day I have at least 3 different packs in my purse, another 2 in my car and roughly 3-7 in my desk drawer.

I dunno if it’s a habit leftover from my smoking days, if I’m paranoid about my breath or if I fell for Jillian Michael’s bullshit theory about how chewing gum can satisfy a sweet tooth. I just know that I love gum.

But I hate it when you chew gum because you chew it with your mouth open. Chomping. Smacking. Spitting. Repulsing. You know who you are. Please don’t ask me for gum ever again because I won’t give it to you. I can’t. It will kill me.


One Response to “I love gum. But I hate when you chew it.”

  1. JD July 21, 2010 at 10:11 PM #

    OMG this is the best post ever! It’s so true and so funny – and you know it’s happened to nearly everyone (assuming they have some common decency!)

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