You are my darlin’ Clementine.

19 Jul

I awoke this morning to the delightful smell of citrus.

I inhaled deeply and rolled onto my back. The sheets had gotten all twisted underneath my body, so I readjusted. Wait a minute. Sheets don’t feel like–

I sat up and looked down. A savage scene bid me good morning for there were peels everywhere. Tiny peels from tiny little oranges.

I threw my feet over the side of the bed and got out. A sad trail of torn citrus skins was leading out the door. I followed with a watery mouth.

All the way to the kitchen. All the way to an empty little crate. No more clementines. Dejected, I went to the pantry to eat some cereal. But there, hiding within the shadows of the pantry, were five very frightened, very juicy little clementines.

I reached towards them and heard a shrill little cry.

“Please, don’t eat us,” one of the tiny fruits begged. It tried to say something else, but I was too busy peeling its friend.

“What did we ever do to you?” another one eeked.

Through the juice and torn meat of the chubbiest clementine, I simply answered, “GHLAeiousdhflg.” I chewed and swallowed, looked around and observed. Tore off another perfect section. Took another bite.


The four remaining clementines became three as I plucked another one from behind the potato chips.

“Why are you doing this!” they cried.

I pulled a bit of peel from the bottom of my bare foot. Maybe I shouldn’t leave peels around the apartment.

“You’re a barbarian!”

After devouring another clementine, I picked up the remaining fruits as they attempted a roll to safety, not that hiding behind soup cans made them any safer.

As I finished the last one, I became a little sad. Now there really weren’t any clementines left. The next box was all the way down the street. At the grocery store. Perhaps I should buy two boxes this time.


One Response to “You are my darlin’ Clementine.”


  1. Be careful when stuffing stockings. « - December 13, 2010

    […] day, I was eating a clementine (and if you’re an avid Yummy Awesome reader, you know how much I freaking love clementines), and I read the accompanying sticker. It said something along the lines of, “Put me in a […]

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