I’m missing out.

14 Jul

I gave up pork products when I was ten or eleven years old. And I haven’t cheated by eating any pig items since.

Especially bacon.

And I feel left out.

Everywhere I look, bacon-wrapped this, crispy-bacon-layered that, smoky bacon, honey bacon. My husband even made some bacon-infused vodka (which makes a wicked bloody mary, I hear).

Alas. I can only smell it. And it smells pretty good, I hate to admit.

My friends are all insane for bacon. As is the Internet, many bloggers, and everyone in Texas sans me.

There are bacon bandages, bacon spreads, bacon T-shirts. I’m pretty sure there’s a bacon cologne, too.

At least most bacon crumbles are made from soy (did you know that?).

Anyway, I have my bacon alternative, a vegetarian strip which (I think) is quite tasty. But it does look like something you’d feed the family dog. And whoever is watching me crunch down on my “bacon” never forgets to tell me that.

I get a lot of flack for being a “picky eater.” A lot. People actually get offended; it’s bizarre. So based on principle, I can never eat meat again.

Especially bacon.

Oh, well. The less I eat, the more the Dirty Canadian gets. Enjoy.


2 Responses to “I’m missing out.”

  1. A. Pig July 21, 2010 at 10:49 PM #

    Eat me.


  1. Bacon gone wild! « - November 29, 2011

    […] What’s even creepier is that is, according to their site, “vegan safe” making it a great gift for the vegetarian in your life. I don’t know many vegetarians who would be cool with being slathered in bacon lube, vegan or otherwise. Care to weigh-in on this one Queen of Awesome?  […]

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